mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
