my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Randomize
