So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh god the rape fog is back!
the condom got lost in my hair
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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