Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
