I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
