If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
