the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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