she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
