I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
