A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
