She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
