it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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