hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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