It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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