Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
