so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
