That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
