My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
