It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize