No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
