Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
