I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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