the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
