Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
