So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My life is pants optional.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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