i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
