We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
