my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
