I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
