sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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