I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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