I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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