Jerry, you need to find god
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
