bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
