I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
