seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
