I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
