there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
