Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
