did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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