I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
