The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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