It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
