Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
