instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
