Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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