Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
should my penis look like a turkey
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
