yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
