: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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