I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
