so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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