I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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