i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
