i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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