Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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