I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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