so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
