I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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