dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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