How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
