So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
