I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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