i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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