Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
