its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
