This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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