You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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