I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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