I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
