i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
farters have to be the big spoon...
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That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We're too hungover to prance.
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