What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
