You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
