foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
