Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
