if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
