God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
