he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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