o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
