Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
