8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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