Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
